Week 4: Sweet Silence

Still sugar-free four weeks in, of which I am proud. I feel just as round and sugar-flabbed as I did before, but that side of things (possibly losing weight I don't need) was only ever a happy possible side-effect, not the main purpose. The main aim was to feel clearer and less controlled by my pull towards a substance that doesn't do me good, and that's already happening. 

What would be fabulous is to let go of caffeine, dairy, wheat and lots of other things I would live better without. This is primarily about sugar, though, and the refined sugar is gone with much, much more ease and peace than I would have thought possible. It's not that I don't fancy something sweet, but I don't crave it. I don't sit around thinking about it. I don't pile up on puddings or post biscuit after biscuit into my face. I don't put honey in my tea any more and that's fine. 
I do still eat fruit, so I haven't gone through the ketosis stage of burning up everything and smelling like an old bin. Evident plusses both ways. 

Do I feel better? Yes. If nothing else, I feel better at being out of the grasp of another addiction. There's an active pleasure in that. I feel a little clearer in my head. It's hard to gauge whether or not I have more energy. I can't remember what it was like before. I shall endeavour to recall. Either way, if nothing but for the experiment, I'd highly recommend trying this. I am happily free of cake. That ROCKS!

Week 2: Resisting and Rice Milk

Better than cheese

It’s been a questionable weekend, food-wise. While I haven’t had refined sugar itself, I’ve shoveled a lot of not-so-good refined whites into my face and I’ve eaten things I know are pretty shoddy. It was interesting to note that a faceful of strawberries definitely made me giddy – the blood sugar hike happens, even when the sugar’s not refined. And too much dairy has invited back the eczema-seeming marks around my mouth. Often they’re red, making me look like I’ve been caught red-handed in the jam. Today, it’s all dry like shaved parmesan (yuk - I just grossed myself out).

So my body’s helping. Less dairy, Claybourne. If you have to have it at all, stick to the bits that won’t do harm. Stopping the tea and coffee hits will help. They call out for milk where yerba maté and herb teas don’t. Even caffeine-packed green’s a step on up from that. Soy's not great, but better than dairy for the moment, until I get organised enough to carry rice milk in my pockets. 

A gentle vegetable (not counting the prickles)

It’s so easy to slip back into stuffing habits. The focus here could be on breathing, drinking water, noticing what’s up rather than finding things that borderline fit the bill and stuffing them in my face. Make it a meditation. Make it count. And keep that Buddhist-mindful approach in mind. Be kind. Like a courgette.

Week 2: Resisting

They SAY it's not sugar, but...

Ha... take THAT word as you will!

So, it's been seven days since I ate refined sugar (to my knowledge, at least). I have fundamentally eaten mostly non-sweet things, though I admit to the odd Nak'd bar (which is very sweet indeed) and once, just once, a little bit of honey in my tea... I didn't drink it all, though, as it felt against what I'm doing.

What has been going well? I've enjoyed my breakfast salads and the occasional egg. I've made stews and stocked up on rocket. I've partaken of minimal fruit, mostly gorging on cucumbers and runner beans. 

How is it that I feel more flattered
by this picture...

In my deal with wonderful Kath, I've taken pictures of myself with a face stuffed full of vegetables mostly on public transport. I've had marmite instead of honey on rice cakes (which I like - they're not a polystyrene chore to me). I've had the pleasure of whacking up a stir-fry in a Le Creuset frying pan (not to be recommended) and making courgette linguini* with a vegetable peeler and a lot of patience. That was bloody lovely! 

* dubbed courgeguini - Ruth Blake, that's one to hang your head in shame over!

than by this one?

I've eaten raw 100% chocolate in relative moderation and it's amazing how the brain tells me that it's sweet because it's chocolate, even though my taste buds are shouting 'Fucking hell, Claybourne, why are you eating tar and scorched leather?'

I've generally enjoyed eating lots of different things and I've had blissfully few proper sugar cravings (though this evening has been one big rollercoaster of a craving, broken by a laugh with lovely Kath). 

Tomorrow, Week 3 starts, which is Week 2 of actually no sugar. My intentions for this week are to change the 'replace it with something else to eat' habit to a bit more breathing and noticing, and possibly more water-drinking. 

And to be sweet to myself. Being sweet to myself is the number one requirement for sanity and loveliness on this sugar-free journey. After all, it's a meditation, not a punishment.

Week 1: Noticing - Final Day

Well well well, what a strange and flaky week it's been. 

But I just found this article by Deepak Chopra about how to quit sugar in 10 days. The book won't have arrived until way after I've grown a beard or two and tomorrow is the big day, so here goes. 

Here's to cold turkey, sugar-wise. 

• Here's to no more tea (because the milk and honey hit is just too much of a habit)
• Here's to cutting out white flour, dairy and anything else enraging for the system, just to help.
• Here's to drinking a pint of water, ringing a lovely friend or (thanks, Gemma, for the suggestion) self-pleasuring every time a craving come
• Here too is to lots of lovely vegetables, celery snacks, nuts by the fistful and foods that I know give me bliss, like avocados, cucumbers and peas.
• Here's to feeling zippier by far, having more energy and less dullness in myself. 
• Here's to being even more made of water than before - about bloody time. 

I have to confess, I am a little scared. OF what? Last time I made a change like this, it was huge, so I'm afraid of failing, yes, of course, and I'm a little bit afraid of what it might be like if I succeed. 

Fear is just fear. It has little to do with what will actually happen, or what will change. It's just what happens sometimes. 

 So bring it on, I say. We're doing this!

Week 1: Noticing - day 3

Yesterday was interesting. Honey in my tea was an all-day event. At lunch, I ate a ciabatta bought from the farmer's market. It was a delight. I had the first half as a sandwich and the second was smeared with nut butter. 

All of a sudden, my nut butter feast was covered in sweet marmalade. Entirely unconscious sugar feed. I hadn't had a conscious craving and I hadn't noticed myself putting marmalade on my bread. Well I had, but I hadn't made the obvious connection that marmalade is mostly sugar.

Last night, conversely, I had no cravings at all. I was at Spud Night for North Korea, a regular and truly lovely fundraiser in Tufnell Park. There are always cakes so good it makes you cry and meringues (one of the purest sugar hits there is, pudding-wise, and a personal favourite). I didn't crave one and I didn't want one, so I stuck with my potato and a couple of glasses of water. No hardship, no problem.

It happened again today, though, the unconscious sugar, with a squeege of brown sauce on my sausage. Slightly stealthier sugar than marmalade, admittedly, but again, it snuck in without my noticing. 

On the noticing front, I ate the cake I'd baked for my lovely cousin Ruth's birthday. It was obscenely sweet (chocolate brownie cake with lavender and vanilla buttercream icing). I had one tiny slice, which was lovely, and then thought about having another all the way round the pond. It was in my blood and on my mind. 

Sugar, you are a fickle mistress, but when you dominate me, you need no whips or buckles - just heady sweetness and quiet omnipresence. We're in this together, Lady Sweet. We need to have a talk about our relationship.

Week 1: Noticing

Beating an addiction is a huge thing, and yet it's really nothing at all. It's as much what you don't do as what you do. 

You and me, we're done

Before I stopped drinking alcohol, I couldn't imagine a world without it; or rather, the world I imagined without it didn't add up in my head. I feel the same about sugar. I can't imagine not craving it. I can't conceive of how things will be when it isn't a huge part of my life. 

But I'm going to try, and my fucking lovely, delightful friend Kath is too. We're both going to blog about it, because that's what works, for me. 

Our first week, until May 1st, is all about noticing. Whether or not we eat sugar is by the by. This is the first part of the process... noticing the attachment to it. Logging where it rears up or just peeks an eyebrow over the wall of our consciousness. 

There is another way

Today, without the pressure of not being 'allowed' any sugar, I made it through the day with almost none - just a little honey in my tea...Then I talked to Kath and we laughed and bandied vegetables about and I went home and filled my face with pure white sugar - icing, no less, and a brownie cake mix. And both those states are fine. 

What I noticed: I felt better during the day. I face-filled off a bag of tomatoes. I ate avocado-sweetpotato-onion-flavoured mush for lunch (Very Fine). I drank tea and water. After the brownies, a thing sits in my stomach. My head is heavier and my energy more sluggish. Good to know.